Aku chill out. Aku just kena chill out. That man being known as Syahrul tu, mungkin bukan Syahrul. Maybe dia cuma impersonator? Maybe dia cuna diupah Tan Sri untuk menjadi Syahrul malam ini. What am i talking about. Even i lie to myself now.
Aku menerima teks daripada Azman,
"Are u OK?"
Aku menekan punat punat maya di telefon pintar aku sambil tidak menghiraukan keadaan sekeliling.
"Yes."
"U heard bout that man?"
"Who?"
"Ur Syahrul. He's here."
"Yeah. Why?"
"U said he's dead!"
"IDK!"
Why it has to be this dramatic? Why? Mungkin aku salah dengar. Ya. Aku salah dengar. Lagipun ramai manusia bernama Syahrul dimuka bumi ini. He might be not just the one & only. Telefon pintarku dimatikan. Acara sudah pun berlangsung lebih dari sejam, namun aku sendiri tidak boleh untuk fokus dengan ucapan para pemenang dan persembahan dijayakan. I am still thinking who is that damn man. Tercari-cari meja dia, namun dilindungi oleh taburan meja meja lain menyebabkan aku just, give up.
"Are you okay? Senyap je?" Nikolas is leaning towards me.
"Tak. Ok saja."
"Fakhrul i have something to tell you."
"what is it? Don't tell me all about your ex wife thingy, you love me & then you took it back, & then you want me back, no i don't wanna listen to that. Sorry."
"I nak minta peluang terakhir. Please. The reason why you are here because, i'd set you to be here."
Agak dah. Not knowing Nikolas could do this but agak dah.
"And? Dengan set me up macam ni, you nak pujuk i to be with you again?"
"I'm going to Hong Kong next week. My dad sends me there. He wants me to cover up our businesses over there. I want you to come with me."
"I am not going anywhere Nik. Please." tangan Nikolas memegang tanganku dibawah meja. Aku menarik tanganku begitu kuat sehinggakan terkena pada bawah meja dan menimbulkan bunyi yang kuat, sekaligus menyebabkan hadirin dimeja kami menoleh kearahku. Aku cuma tersenyum sumbing dan berpura-pura memandang kearah pentas.
"Nik. Let me go. I said no. And its a big NO." perlahan-lahan Nikolas melepaskan genggaman tangannya. Keadaan senyap seketika. Aku inginkan malam ini berlalu dengan pantas & i just want to go back. This is too much for me. Too much.
Aku bangkit untuk ke tandas. Sebatang rokok will do. Namun didalam ruang ballroom yang besar di Dorsett ini, satu tandas pun tidak aku nampak. Malahan aku tidak nampak seorang pekerja hotel disini. Oh, ada seorang lelaki bersut sedang berdiri disatu sudut. Maybe he knows where is the damn toilet.
"Ah sir, sorry. Do you know where is..."
"Yeah?" Dia pusing menghadapku. "Its you! Its you Fakhrul!"
Lelaki persis Syahrul berada dihadapanku, memegang bahuku, lantas aku terus dipeluk. Erat. Lama. Lama sehinggakan aku boleh dengar nafasnya. Aku boleh rasakan jantungnya yang berdegup kencang. Aku boleh bau bau badannya. Dia, kenapa dia macam ni? Aku, terkedu. Kaget. Rindu. Sebak.
"You don't remember me sayang?" eh dia sayangkan aku? Kenapa lelaki iras Syahrul ni berkelakuan seperti dia adalah Syahrul? He is not Syahrul that i know. Aku bermimpi. Ataupun mungkin aku sedang berangan. Shit! Sampai macam ni ke aku rindukan arwah? Perlu ke aku berangan sampai macam ini sekali.
"Sayang why? Kenapa senyap?" lelaki itu menggoncangkan badanku. Aku cuma mampu untuk senyap.
"Sayang please say something. Its me, Syahrul." lelaki itu memanggil namaku berulangkali. Leherku diusap perlahan-lahan dengan kedua belah tangannya. Pipiku disentuh dua ibu jarinya. Matanya tepat memandang kearahku. Sayu. Aku nampak ada linangan berkaca. Dada aku lemas. Seperti ingin pecah. This is not real Fakhrul. Wake up.
"Lepaskan saya. Awak ni siapa?"
"Its me Syahrul. You don't remember me at the airport?"
"Bila saya tanya awak hari tu, kenapa awak tak jawab apa apa?"
"After that incident, dad brought me home. I tak dapat ingat apa apa about that incident till last week. At the airport, mama and papa nak bawa i jumpa specialist in Perth, & i am supposed to have treatments over there, tapi i dah dapat ingat dah semuanya sayang. I do!"
"Wait wait this is crazy. So you meant to tell me yang you tak ingat apa apa masa kita terserempak last two weeks ago?"
"Ye sayang. I remember everything now."
"Macam mana? I mean macam mana you tak ingat i tempoh hari and tiba-tiba you boleh recover all those memories back?"
"I tak tahu but its all appeared macam tu saja. Its just like seconds terus i boleh ingat balik semua ni."
"Well to know that you are not lying, tell me who am i & how we met?"
"We met though BBM. You were uploading pictures of you doing make up & i got interested in. I texted you back in December 2012 & i asked you to date me in January 2013. Masa tu you tengah dalam kelas, & you just said yes cepat cepat sebab you tak nak kantoi dengan lecturer you were on the phone with me. We broke up when i was sent to London a year later. I came back here hoping to be with you again only to know that you were dating a sex maniac. You were in the hospital, you met my brother, and i was sent to London, never met after that. 3 years later, we met again in a plane to London, when you were sitting next to me. But then we'd lost contact & almost a year & a half later, we met again at a coffee shop near my work place. You were sitting at the end of the table while scrolling through your phone. I bawa you ke West London to celebrate our anniversary. & we lived together ever since." Sepanjang Syahrul menberikan each detail, mataku bergenang. Tiada siapa tahu how we met each other, the only persons who know it were me and him. Aku cuma menganggukkan kepala. Yes, its you Syahrul. Its you.
"But masa kita accident, your dad told me you were dead, Syazmin pun cakap macam tu. I was miserable Syahrul. I was."
"I don't know they said that to you but none of them know that i could remember everything."
"And how you got here? " ujarku dalam nada perlahan. Suaraku tenggelam timbul with all the crying.
"I read your tweets. I know the only thing that possibly done was reading your tweets & knowing where you were. I terbaca you were getting ready for this event & i decided to come."
"Just like that?"
"Sayang, we have no time. Ikut i jom? Kita pindah from here. We can move to any country you would like." Syahrul memegang pinggangku erat. "You said dulu you love Paris? We can move there, create another life. Create another future. I can work there as an accountant or something." pantas aku meletakkan jari telunjukku dimulut Syahrul.
"Wait wait. How about money? And you parents? You can't just leave everything behind wouldn't you?" balasku kembali.
"I dah figured everything out. I have some money. Cukup untuk kita cari rumah disana, kereta and survive dalam beberapa bulan before i get a job. You can work there too. Be a fashion journalist? That's what you have always wanted kan?"
"Things happen Syahrul. Everything has changed now and then. Kita tak boleh nak main pergi macam tu saja."
"But then when? Until when kita nak kena duduk tunggu suffer? With my parents and all those voices out there? When Fakhrul when?" Syahrul meninggikan suara terhadap aku.
"I have a lot of responsibilities. I have names to be taken care of. I have feelings behind me. Please Syahrul. Please." Serta merta aku teringatkan Azman.
"Fakhrul, you always said this thing to me. We need to take a toll in & start what is left for us. Sometimes we need to take care of ourselves & take charge, kan?" Syahrul membalas kembali dengan kata-kata yang pernah aku berikan kepada dia. Banyak benda perlu difikirkan. Moving out from this country & living together with him is a good plan, but its good when i am not being with somebody else! Aku ada hati yang perlu dijaGa. How about Azman? How about him? What about my sister? How can i secure a future there? How about if he finds out he is not going to love me after this? What will happen to us there? Hati manusia boleh berubah kan?
"I need to go Syahrul. I am happy to know this, and that, but its too much Syahrul. Its just too much."
Tanganku ditarik. "Wait. Okay let's give you some time. Meet me at the airport tomorrow. I bought the tickets already. If you are not there, i know the answer.".
"What! Tomorrow? How can i think about this thoroughly dalam masa sekejap macam tu?"
"If you love me, you won't have a second doubt about anything."
Syahrul pergi neninggalkan aku dalam keadaan serba salah. Yes, i still am missing him. Ya tuhanku what is happening?
Telefon pintarku berbunyi. Nama Azman tertera diskrin.
"Where are you?"
"Baru lepas keluar dari toilet la" segera aku lap bekas air mata.
"Suara awak tu kenapa?" suara Azman kelihatan gelisah dari dalam talian.
"Eh no i'm okay. Banyak minum benda manis kot sebab tu macam sakit tekak saja ni. You're done with the event?" apa alasan aku berikan entahlah but at least perlu cover from Azman to know everything that has just happened.
"Jom balik. I tunggu you dekat depan ballroom. Malaslah nak tunggu lama. I'm tired."
"Ok meet you in 5 minutes."
Pantas aku berjalan menuju ke ruang hadapan ballroom itu. Aku mencari dimanakan Syahrul, namun dia sudah tiada dimejanya. Nikolas memanggil aku tidak aku peduli. Azman sudah menunggu diruang hadapan.
"Lama tunggu?" tanyaku sambil memangku erat lengan Azman.
"Tak. Baru keluar. Let's go." kereta Azman tiba dari parkir valet dan kami menuju ke rumah, dan kali ini, aku meminta Azman untuk terus memandu ke rumahnya. Kami berdua, ya, this is the time i need to know how much love he has for me.
Bersambung....
No comments:
Post a Comment